But what I do know is my love for my husband is unconditional. Deployments, missions, training... all time spent apart. So how does a newlywed start a brand new marriage with my other half gone? Well guess what... I don't know. BUT what I do know...
- I know I would rather have him between deployments, missions, training, than have anyone else every single day.
- I know the Army will ALWAYS come first
- I know I represent him and the Army. My actions will always reflect upon my husband
- I know I will NEVER be able to make plans. A phone call changes plans in a heart beat but as long as he’s home, it means nothing to break a plan
- I know the little things are what it’s really about
- It doesn’t matter how many deployments you’ve been through, they never get easier
- The thought of being alone for deployments or mission’s don’t bother me. The fear of being alone for a lifetime - does
- Technology can be a double-sided sword. One side delivering his face; the other, a brutal live action feed of explosions and camouflage
- Murphy’s Law is a constant companion. The moment he walks out the door, anything that can break, collapse, bleed, or explode - will
- Five hours of uninterrupted sleep is a gift from the deployment gods. No dreams, no thoughts.
- Holidays are hard, but manageable
- Deployments come and go, but sand from his boots never leaves
- Nothing can replace a handwritten letter. Through those folded pages, he is holding my hand and whispering in my ear.
- The silence in communication following a war zone attack is agonizing. BUT - no news, is good news - RIGHT?!
- Laughter is a powerful ally
- Cereal is always a dinner option
- You CAN do it - it’s hard, but harder for them
- Live in each moment together
- Welcome home kisses are sweeter than the finest chocolates
- Anger will be there - depression will hold me tight - but the happiness from his voice will make it all disappear
- A military spouse will often hold his/her tongue
- The sound of a bugle can make my heart swell with pride, or collapse in sorrow
- Duct tape can fix nearly anything
- Despite those who tell me “I knew what I was signing up for” you never FULLY know until you live every day in their shoes
But there are ALWAYS things I don't know
- I don't know how to hug him so it lasts forever, or make sure my kiss is enough to make him never forget.
- I don't know how to feel content without actually saying goodbye like it's the last time, but saying goodbye in a satisfying manner so that I feel I had the chance to say goodbye in case it's at the foot of a pine box
- I'm not willing to learn how to pretend he doesn't exist, to keep him out of my life while it goes on without him, or to build a wall so high he has no way to scale over it.
- I don't know how to fully comfort him at night and to make his nightmare's go away. Or my nightmare's either
- I don't know how to adjust to his presence in our home after long departures. Or for that matter, how to stop staring at him in disbelief I get to be so lucky to have him and he is home
- I can't and do not understand those who question my desire to stay with him or those who tell me that it is inevitable that either he or I will cheat. REALLY?!
- I am amazed and don't know how he still laughs, smiles, and has that sparkle in his eyes after everything he has seen. He is my HERO
- I don't know how to give up. I don't know how to not be proud, how to not love him with everything I have, or how to be truly happy when something amazing happens and he is not here to share it with me.
I don't know how to not cry when he leaves or when he returns, I don't know how to pull my hands and arms away from him. I will never know how to walk away from this amazing man when many choose to sit while he stands.
I know that no matter what or where, he will ALWAYS have my heart. I will support him all the way. Soldier or civilian, he is my husband and that comes first to me. Good or bad, sickness and in health, always and forever, I will be here. Learning and growing, but always growing together.
